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Erastes [userpic]

Day 18, Dad, etc

June 16th, 2013 (04:48 pm)

Went over to the hospital to see dad – left Sasha at home and she’s not been used to that, so she was super lovvie when i got home. Dad’s insensible and on oxygen and antibiotics. I sat and talked to him for a while, then came home. Was quite upsetting. what’s upsetting me the most is that when Mother went into a coma with her cancer—luckily she only had about a week of really bad pain—they (and i understand this is standard practice, but it’s ghastly) withdrew food and fluids and basically she starved and dehydrated to death. I still haven’t got over that, it haunts me—and I don’t think I can bear that with dad, although I obviously won’t have any say in the matter. I don’t get that doctors can kill patients in this way, but aren’t allowed to give an overdose.

Anyway – carb-wise, today has been a DISASTER. I’m already over 50. I went into Mcds drive in on the way to the hospital and got a McTasty, threw the bun away and ate the lettuce, tomato, meat, cheese and bacon. I felt smug, like I’d put one over on McD’s by having a zero carb (near enough, the cheese possibly made it 1) lunch. But I made the mistake of having a fruit smoothie.

firstly – BOY can you taste the sugar after nearly 3 weeks of low carb – it was delicious (far far too delicious) but omg so fucking sweet. and secondly – 49 CARBS!!! WHAT A MORON I AM. I should have had a fruitizz – they are “only” 25g of carbs. I do love fruit drinks. I can give up pasta, but I MISS MY FRUIT.

So, I’m assuming that one just continues after a disaster, rather than try and cut back tomorrow.  day 18 eh? *proud*

Comments

Posted by: Becky Black (becky_black)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 04:09 pm (UTC)

Still thinking about you and your dad. Sending my best wishes.

Don't fret about the smoothie. Everyone makes mistakes. And I don't personally advocate the idea of cutting down more the day after a mistake or slip, as that just contributes to the idea that the diet is punishment, which is not a good way to view it. Just continue as normal today and tomorrow.

Don't do what I've been known to do - decide today is messed up anyway, so might as well order a pizza!!! Someone told me that would be like if you accidentally dropped and broke an egg while getting them out of the box, you then picked up all the other eggs and deliberately threw them on the floor. No logic to that.

You're doing so well on it. Heading for three weeks now. Well done.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 05:06 pm (UTC)

Thanks dear - i had the projected dinner, hard boiled eggs with butter and some cheese, so although I've gone way over, I'm just going to ignore the error. never again! if i have a mango drink again, it will be made by me and with hermesetas water and mango!

Posted by: Chris (crawling_angel)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 04:46 pm (UTC)

Have the nurses said your dad is near putting on a pathway? They probably need some more time to see if he responds to the antibiotics. Food is only able to be given if the person is capable of swallowing. NG feeing would not be appropriate due to confusion/patient removing tubing etc. Leaving subcut fluids... I've nursed plenty of ppl on and pathway who have not had fluids withdrawn. I guess it's down to the doctors really. However, I have seen family insist on subcut fluids being used so that their relative does not die of dehydration also. YOU CAN INSIST ON HIM HAVING THIS!

I reckon you deserved that smoothie after today! I don't think I could follow such a diet as I love my bread/pasta too much. Good for you. Do you think you've lost weight/inches?
xxx

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 05:04 pm (UTC)

he's got "ND" next ot his name on the board, whatever that means! No, I'm simply imagining worse case scenario, i am still seriously traumatised by mother's death, a horrible way to die. But I don't know what subcut fluids are or a pathway!

Posted by: Chris (crawling_angel)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 05:32 pm (UTC)

Probably the consultant's initials = ND.

Liverpool Care Pathway>>> Would be used in the instance you mentioned regarding your mother, ie, when she was dying. This is a document completed by docs and nurses to ensure the patient goes as peacefully as possible. ie, the appropriate meds are completed and written up ready for when needed, fluids (if given) are decided upon. Subcut fluids>>> Fluid which is fed in by a small needle placed in abdomen/leg/arm. They are not intravenous fluids as this a more aggressive form of rehydration and s/c fluids are meant only to alleviate severe dehydration/ie keeping the patient 'comfortable'. This should be discussed with you if and when the time comes and it should defo have been discussed with you regarding you mother. I wonder if it was discussed with your dad? Sorry, cant see the rest of my comment from here...

Posted by: Chris (crawling_angel)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 05:34 pm (UTC)
simples

Sorry for jumping on this subject. Am doing End of Life distance study atm :/

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: June 17th, 2013 06:57 am (UTC)

no, it's good to know this stuff, doctors don't tell you anythng - that's if you can even find one.

Posted by: kcwarwick (kcwarwick)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 07:00 pm (UTC)

I really feel for you, and of course it must bring back memories of your mum's death. I wish you had someone to share the worry with, I mean actually there with you. As regards the diet, I go with what Becky said. Just carry on and don't be discouraged.

Posted by: Karen (cerisaye)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 07:57 pm (UTC)
boy on a rock

Oh ignore today's, totally understandable under the circumstances, lapse, you've done nearly 3 weeks now and that's what to focus on! I have to agree, it seems ridiculous that doctors have to withdraw food & liquids to bring about what they should be able to achieve without suffering by either patient or family members, but post-Shipman that's how it goes. Take care and hang in there.

Posted by: Rikibeth (rikibeth)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 10:09 pm (UTC)

(((hugs)))

I think that smoothie counts as self-soothing behavior. Just pick back up again tomorrow. If you try to low-carb HARDER you'll just make the cravings worse. I speak from experience on this.

I'm so sorry about your dad.

w/r/t food/fluids for comatose patients... supplying them can ALSO be ghastly. A dear, dear friend had a stroke at 41, and although she recovered to an extent, when she was in rehab she had a second one with irreversible damage that DID leave her in a coma. Watching while she lingered, with fluid going into her arm and a bag of sludge going into a feeding tube and oxygen through a tracheotomy, while her wife came to terms with the reality that there were only brainstem reflexes left... ghastly. In her case, the crucial action was turning off the respirator, but even so... what they were feeding and hydrating was a shell.

I hope that things resolve as best they can with your dad. I'm thinking of you.

Posted by: treva2007 (treva2007)
Posted at: June 16th, 2013 11:48 pm (UTC)

This is an incredibly hard time for you. Just keep going and do the best you can. That's all you can do.

And as a Weight Watcher, I can tell you most folks who struggle with weight use food for relief. This is going to be a hard time for you. Try to carry the right foods with you so you can run for them instead of beelining to something that seems comforting but doesn't really help the issue. (My leader said "If the problem isn't hunger, then maybe food isn't the solution.")

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: June 17th, 2013 07:03 am (UTC)

Thanks, much appreciated.

Oh, I've always used food as a crutch. I'm finding that with this food plan I don't need to, because if I want to eat some - I can, just grab a couple of boiled eggs, and there's no guilt, which completely deflates the vicious circle i've been living under for 30 odd years.

Posted by: charliecochrane (charliecochrane)
Posted at: June 17th, 2013 08:36 am (UTC)

No cutting back today. Keep Calm and Carry On. (Great line that - just made it up.) SRSLY, thinking of you and him. *hugs*

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