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day 20, other stuffs

June 18th, 2013 (09:59 am)

weather glorious but I really feel like crap. Got my depression appointment tomorrow—only taken a month, and still haven’t heard from the cardiologist—and frankly the depression appointment can’t come fast enough. I know it’s not fun to read about—I have hated to read other depression posts on my LJ from others, but I suppose we write just to write, not specifically to be read. “In a black hole” isnt really summing it up at the moment. at the beginning of the year i felt down in the dumps. Now, I’d have to climb to get up to the dumps.Even though the weather is PERFECT and entirely tailored for me, 19 degrees with a nice cool breeze.,  I was on the beach the other day, sun shining and Sasha running around wagging her tail and being as happy as a sandboy whatever that is, and all i wanted to do was to bury myself in the sand and cry.

ok that’s enough of that, or I’ll delete the lot and that would achieve nothing.

Breakfast was mush, egg and bacon in butter as normal with a lovely cuppa.

Lunch will probably be roast chicken legs with some fruit

dinner, beef grillsteaks with greens. looking forward to that.

I can’t weigh myself, I can’t even really measure myself. I’ve managed to measure wrist, above elbow, neck, knee and nipple to nipple but the tape measure won’t go around my body – am literally more round than I am tall, which is hugely embarrassing!

Haven’t run the hospital yet, will do so in an hour – but  i haven’t heard anything so no news is not bad news.

Hope everyone is well! thank you all for your support, can’t tell you how much it’s appreciated. xxx

Comments

Posted by: kcwarwick (kcwarwick)
Posted at: June 18th, 2013 02:24 pm (UTC)

Many people reading this will understand about the depression, so keep posting. I've always found that it helps to get your feelings down on paper (or whatever the computer equivalent is). I hope the appointment goes well and that you get some real help.

Posted by: sandra_lindsey (sandra_lindsey)
Posted at: June 18th, 2013 08:16 pm (UTC)

Agreed. Thinking of you while I try not to say anything stupid which might make you feel worse (because one thing I *do* remember from my own experience is that most times that people tried to help me feel better just left me feeling worse. And now I'll shut up, except to tell you that I *finally* read both Muffled Drum and A Brush With Darkness and thoroughly loved both of them.)

Posted by: Rikibeth (rikibeth)
Posted at: June 19th, 2013 01:43 am (UTC)

I'll always understand about depression. I may not know anything helpful to say... there's often very little constructive one CAN... but, at the very least, I can say "I read this; you are not shouting into the void."

Also, if I were there, I would string two tape measures together, and then you could get a number, if you wanted it.

One data point for the depression appointment: the antidepressant bupropion has a side effect of weight loss. It's a pretty impressive appetite suppressant, to the point where I've had to get my underweight teenager to set alarms to eat, because the stuff is essential to manage The Crazy, but the kid also needs not to lose any more.

I'm on it too, have been since April. I've lost a few pounds, & I also have to keep an eye on the clock because if I don't, I forget about lunch, & then I don't notice I've forgotten until I get light-headed from the low blood sugar. The important thing, though, is that I'm no longer spending all day in bed and failing to shower.

So. If they suggest it, grab it with both hands.

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