OK - so I haven't been around again and I apologise for that
I've hit my first major weight target - I cut the year into segments months and my target for end of October was 364 pounds (loss of 3 stone) and I made that today. THREE STONE! I am staggered that I've lost that much while still eating bacon and eggs and butter and cream and meat but also staggered that I still feel so bloody heavy (which I am, obviously) and that it's still hard to get around. No wonder I was nearly immobile three stone ago.
So I've set a new target of another 4 months and a sensible rate of 2 pounds a week (hopefully it should be more, but a lower target means less disappointment) which will take me to 332 pounds by end of February.
I realise that this is a long haul and it's going to be at least 3 years before I'm down to anything like a "normal" weight but I know I can do it and best of all - for the first time ever I'm doing it myself and FOR myself.
I had/have an issue with alcohol - I admit very freely that I like a drink once a week and giving it up is something I'm not prepared to do but after experimentation with vodka and wine I realise that I CAN'T have a regular boozy night AND lose weight (I know this is obvious, but I needed to haul it into the light and examine it) so I'm still going to have a drink from time to time, but will have to KNOW (rather than hope) that that week is unlikely to be a week I'll lose weight. It's good in the long run for when I need to sustain the weight loss - I need to know what treats will have be balanced when I'm careful not to balloon again.
dad's OK. I haven't been down to see him for a while because he simply doesn't care whether I'm there or not. It's not his fault but he's quite CONTENT which is good to see. It's an hour each way and I sit there while he sleeps or walks about and I generally come away feeling more guilty and miserable than when I arrived. I do feel guilty not visiting more often but visiting is worse.
ETA: Since I typed this (last week) I've had a bit of a tragedy which some of you (from Twitter) will already know. My dear fat furry Severus died last week.It was an horrific shock and so sudden it took me a few days just to cope with the news. He had just had his dinner and was perfectly fine and was sitting at my feet, then I looked down after a few minutes and noticed he wasn't moving properly and had lost the use of his back legs. I thought it must have been a fit - he had one a couple of years ago but nothing (that I know of) since - but he clambered into my lap as if to say "this is odd, can you fix it?" and purred while I manipulated his legs to no avail. I did a very swift google on cats back leg paralysis and found this on the first hit:
His back feet were indeed cold (in that short time) so it was clear there was no circulation in his back legs at all. So I scooped him up and got him to the vet within 20 mins of this all happening. The vet confirmed what I had found and said there was nothing to be done. He'd had a stroke and his organs were shutting down. He'd begun to pant at this point, and bubbles were coming out of his nose, so I could see his lungs were shutting down and he was beginning to suffer. So I had to make that, the best for him, decision and I'm not ashamed to say that it broke my heart. I stayed with him, holding him and whispering to him as he slipped away and was in bits.
I've pulled back a bit since then - having other furries relying on you makes you focus - but it's horrible how much of a hole one cat can leave. He was ALWAYS under my feet and I was always telling him off and now there's no-one to step over or trip over. He used to smoosh his soggy face against mine and Lucius doesn't do that. Severus was a real cuddler. He'd fall asleep in my arms for hours whereas Lili won't be cuddled at all and Lucius simply allows me to cuddle him without reciprocation (other than the occasional face lick when he thinks I merit it.) I shall miss my funny furry boy so much.
Lucius seems untroubled. I think he's been looking for Sevvie a little bit but although they were brothers and always have been together, they weren't close - both of the boys were closer to Lili than they are to each other but they did used to wrestle from time to time and every morning they'd both clamber on the bed and have a boy cuddle, both smooshed up together so they could get equal attention from me. Sasha only seems concerned when I start to cry (she's a real nanny) and Lili of course, couldn't care less!
It's stupid how even his death is canon. Lucius outlived Severus in the books after all.
So good bye, Severus. You will be sorely missed.