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Erastes [userpic]

November 4th, 2013 (11:23 am)
sad

feeling: sad

OK - so I haven't been around again and I apologise for that

I've hit my first major weight target - I cut the year into segments months and my target for end of October was 364 pounds (loss of 3 stone) and I made that today. THREE STONE! I am staggered that I've lost that much while still eating bacon and eggs and butter and cream and meat but also staggered that I still feel so bloody heavy (which I am, obviously) and that it's still hard to get around. No wonder I was nearly immobile three stone ago.

So I've set a new target of another 4 months and a sensible rate of 2 pounds a week (hopefully it should be more, but a lower target means less disappointment) which will take me to 332 pounds by end of February.

I realise that this is a long haul and it's going to be at least 3 years before I'm down to anything like a "normal" weight but I know I can do it and best of all - for the first time ever I'm doing it myself and FOR myself.

I had/have an issue with alcohol - I admit very freely that I like a drink once a week and giving it up is something I'm not prepared to do but after experimentation with vodka and wine I realise that I CAN'T have a regular boozy night AND lose weight (I know this is obvious, but I needed to haul it into the light and examine it) so I'm still going to have a drink from time to time, but will have to KNOW (rather than hope) that that week is unlikely to be a week I'll lose weight. It's good in the long run for when I need to sustain the weight loss - I need to know what treats will have be balanced when I'm careful not to balloon again.




dad's OK. I haven't been down to see him for a while because he simply doesn't care whether I'm there or not. It's not his fault but he's quite CONTENT which is good to see. It's an hour each way and I sit there while he sleeps or walks about and I generally come away feeling more guilty and miserable than when I arrived. I do feel guilty not visiting more often but visiting is worse.

ETA: Since I typed this (last week) I've had a bit of a tragedy which some of you (from Twitter) will already know. My dear fat furry Severus died last week.It was an horrific shock and so sudden it took me a few days just to cope with the news. He had just had his dinner and was perfectly fine and was sitting at my feet, then I looked down after a few minutes and noticed he wasn't moving properly and had lost the use of his back legs. I thought it must have been a fit - he had one a couple of years ago but nothing (that I know of) since - but he clambered into my lap as if to say "this is odd, can you fix it?" and purred while I manipulated his legs to no avail. I did a very swift google on cats back leg paralysis and found this on the first hit:

His back feet were indeed cold (in that short time) so it was clear there was no circulation in his back legs at all. So I scooped him up and got him to the vet within 20 mins of this all happening. The vet confirmed what I had found and said there was nothing to be done. He'd had a stroke and his organs were shutting down. He'd begun to pant at this point, and bubbles were coming out of his nose, so I could see his lungs were shutting down and he was beginning to suffer. So I had to make that, the best for him, decision and I'm not ashamed to say that it broke my heart. I stayed with him, holding him and whispering to him as he slipped away and was in bits.

I've pulled back a bit since then - having other furries relying on you makes you focus - but it's horrible how much of a hole one cat can leave. He was ALWAYS under my feet and I was always telling him off and now there's no-one to step over or trip over. He used to smoosh his soggy face against mine and Lucius doesn't do that. Severus was a real cuddler. He'd fall asleep in my arms for hours whereas Lili won't be cuddled at all and Lucius simply allows me to cuddle him without reciprocation (other than the occasional face lick when he thinks I merit it.) I shall miss my funny furry boy so much.

Lucius seems untroubled. I think he's been looking for Sevvie a little bit but although they were brothers and always have been together, they weren't close - both of the boys were closer to Lili than they are to each other but they did used to wrestle from time to time and every morning they'd both clamber on the bed and have a boy cuddle, both smooshed up together so they could get equal attention from me. Sasha only seems concerned when I start to cry (she's a real nanny) and Lili of course, couldn't care less!

It's stupid how even his death is canon. Lucius outlived Severus in the books after all.

So good bye, Severus. You will be sorely missed.
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PigletandPopp

Comments

Posted by: Marion (aunty_marion)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 11:39 am (UTC)
Snape - Died a Prince v.2

*hugs you for Severus's loss* I do like that pic of him (2nd up) draped over a chair arm with his legs hanging.

Your weight loss is going splendidly! Remember, as you lose weight you'll be able to become more active, which will help burn calories, so you'll be able to allow yourself a glass of wine from time to time, as long as you can burn the calories off again.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:22 pm (UTC)
erastes

it's the tv! I don't know how he got up there, and how he thought it was comfy enough to go to sleep on. as you can see he could sleep anywhere and always with a smile on his face!

Thank you, dear xxx

Posted by: Blake Fraina (blake_fraina)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 12:29 pm (UTC)
winter me

I'm so so sorry about Severus. We lost two this year (Fuzzy in May and Blackie just two weeks ago) so I know that empty painful feeling all to weel. Stay strong and cuddle Lucius tight, even if he resists you!

Oh, and congrats on the weight loss. Keep at it. We're all rooting for you.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:24 pm (UTC)
erastes

Sorry to hear about your losses, too - it's terrible to lose two like that. Oh Lucius doesn't resist he just doesn't cuddle ME, he just allows me to worship at his awesomeness. My fault entirely, I should have called him Cuddles.

Thank you about the weight too, it's surprisingly easy, and no slower than low fat and a LOT more enjoyable.

Posted by: I was raised the old-fashioned way (sasha_davidovna)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 12:41 pm (UTC)
dance || sasha_davidovna

I'm so sorry to hear about Severus. He was a cutie, and having been through the shock of sudden cat loss, I know how hard it is. *hugs*

Congratulations on your weight loss, though! It sounds like it's going really well. Those liquid calories can be a killer - I don't drink alcohol, but I love juice and when my weight starts creeping up, I often realize that I've been chugging down a few more Nakeds or Odwallas than usual - but I'm sure aunty_marion is right and as you become more active, you'll be able to indulge a little more frequently without compromising your diet.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
erastes

It always hurts doesn't it? It's harder when they die too young, Sevvie was only seven.

Thank you. I love juice too, and REALLY miss it. I make do with lemon juice but i'd kill for a big glass of frosty grapefruit or orange juice. I'm a LITTLE more mobile - that is i'm walking without a stick now (i was kidding myself that it was because I'd hurt my knee but it really was to help my balance) but it's still only over very short distances. However, it WILL improve!

thank you again

xxx

Posted by: Anderyn Gabriel (anderyn)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 03:15 pm (UTC)

Congrats on the weight loss and my sincere condolences about Severus. I remember when you got the two boys, and it's always hard to lose a piece of your heart like that.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:27 pm (UTC)
erastes

Thank you, it's sad that I no longer have a Snucius. xxxx

Posted by: Keeper of the Superfluous Es! (themostepotente)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 03:53 pm (UTC)

I just tried calling you but got your answering machine. I am so very sorry to hear about Severus. Poor little guy.

I am very pleased to hear about your weight loss success, though. *hugs*

I'll try back tomorrow possibly. I miss talking to you hon <3

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:26 pm (UTC)
erastes

I think there's something wrong with the phone - as it rang once and then sounded as if it was drowned and cut out. I'll have to buy a new one. Are you on Skype? can we skype-phone? it's cheaper - and free if we videochat.

Thanks my dear xxx

Posted by: Iulia Linnea (iulia_linnea)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:18 pm (UTC)
Pairing Whore Penguins

I'm so sorry about Severus. *hugs*

It's good to see that you're able to focus on the good you've done for yourself in recent months; congratulations on your weight loss and sense of well being. I'm glad you've got your fuzzies to support you through the good and bad, and best of luck in your continuing efforts. :)

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:27 pm (UTC)
erastes

Thank you so much - it's so lovely to have some really stalwart friends who are still here despite me being away for long clumps at a time!

xxxx

Posted by: Karen (cerisaye)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 04:46 pm (UTC)
Mads-Adams apple

I am sorry about Severus, losing animals is always hard. Congratulations, though, on the sustained weight loss programme with such encouraging results, very well done! It would seem you have found a new approach to food that can be a healthy eating plan for life, and slow loss is much easier to keep up than crash diets that just don't work long-term. The occasional tipple isn't going to do any harm, especially once you reach that ultimate target.

As the pounds come off, you will be able to exercise, which helps maintain weight loss, and is very good for well-being in general: I walk every day which keeps my sanity intact and keeps me trim into the bargain; it doesn't cost anything other than good shoes/boots and appropriate weatherproof outerwear (the best you can afford).

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 11:06 am (UTC)
erastes

I do worry about the fat element, that I may be furring up my arteries, no matter that they SAY i'm not... everytime I get a twinge in my heart area I'm certain "this is it!"

thanks for the support, and sympathy - it's so kind, specially as I'm hardly here except to catch up so rarely!

xxx

Posted by: Lunalelle (lunalelle)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 06:10 pm (UTC)

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Having lost my cat Noel a few months ago, I know how hard and painful it is.

However, congrats on the weight loss and finding a food lifestyle that works for you.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 11:07 am (UTC)
erastes

I'm sorry you've had a loss too, it's hard, isn't it. *hugs*

Thank you

xxxx

Posted by: kcwarwick (kcwarwick)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 08:33 pm (UTC)
vcation

I'm really sorry to hear about Severus. Losing a beloved animal is always so hard, especially when it's sudden. And I sympathise with you about the alcohol too - that's something I struggle to cut out.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:44 am (UTC)
erastes

It was a shock that it was sudden, but he didn't suffer for long - poor boy. Thanks my dear xxx

Posted by: Stevie Carroll (stevie_carroll)
Posted at: November 4th, 2013 09:32 pm (UTC)
Computer Screen Question Mark by sallymn

I was wondering where you'd got to. Congrats on the weight loss.

RIP Severus too.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 11:07 am (UTC)
erastes

Thank you my dear - I am going to TRY to be more visible, but it's hard.

xxx

Posted by: Mairi Nathaira (테라-찬 / テラちゃん) (aigooism)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 12:17 am (UTC)
Cranky Me

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of Severus :( *hugs hugs*

And good job on your weight loss! I'm so happy things are going well for you <3

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 11:07 am (UTC)
erastes

Thank you my dear xxx

Posted by: Gehayi (gehayi)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 03:02 am (UTC)
collinssad (silver_sunn101)

So I've set a new target of another 4 months and a sensible rate of 2 pounds a week (hopefully it should be more, but a lower target means less disappointment) which will take me to 332 pounds by end of February.

I realise that this is a long haul and it's going to be at least 3 years before I'm down to anything like a "normal" weight but I know I can do it and best of all - for the first time ever I'm doing it myself and FOR myself.


Good for you! I'm very proud of you. That should help the legs quite a bit.

I'm so terribly sorry about Sevvie. I don't know what to say except that I'm terribly sorry and that I wish I was there and could give you a billion or so hugs.


P.S. Also, I believe that your birthday presents are en route.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 11:11 am (UTC)
erastes

Thanks, hun - much appreciated. It's working on the legs a little bit already, as I'm able to sit for long periods without too much pain and my feet are waking up, a little (very little) at a time, and I'm getting more pins and needles than simply numb which has to be a good sign!?

I'm so sorry I've been missing for so many months - It's been like being in a dark tunnel and I simply couldn't see my way out of it. I think I'm improving, but it's probably only due to pills. I just couldn't communicate with anyone other than twitter - and thatnk god for that or I'd not be communicating at all!

I got a game from you this mornng - THANK YOU SO MUCH - can't wait to play it! It's so kind of you and I feel awful I didn't send you anything

xxx

Posted by: charliecochrane (charliecochrane)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 09:35 am (UTC)
lessons for survivors

sorry about Severus, but delighted about your weight loss. You go girl!

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:44 am (UTC)
erastes

Thank you, hun xxx

Posted by: ejab62 (ejab62)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 10:02 am (UTC)
Hugs!

I'm so, so sorry to hear about Severus!!! And the way it happened is enough to leave you stunned for quite some times! *HUGSHUGSHUGS*
And yes, they leave a giant hole!
*Hugging you like crazy from overseas*

Posted by: ejab62 (ejab62)
Posted at: November 5th, 2013 10:05 am (UTC)
Ejab

Forgot to congratulate you with your huge weight loss. I understand that it doesn't feel as very much but 3 stones is *huge*! Wow.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:45 am (UTC)
erastes

thank you, my deario xxx

Posted by: smurasaki (smurasaki)
Posted at: November 6th, 2013 05:04 am (UTC)
ack

I'm so sorry about Severus. :( *offers hugs*

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:47 am (UTC)
erastes

thank you, hun, much appreciated xxxx

Posted by: lee_rowan (lee_rowan)
Posted at: November 6th, 2013 06:30 pm (UTC)
Woof!

I'm so sorry about Severus! I know how it feels... But - if he had to go - that sounds like the gentlest passing he could have had and you were there with him. You did all you possibly could. I'm sure Sasha is reminding you that you're loved and needed, even if your cats aren't the most demonstrative in the world. My guess is that Severus is still hanging around, and from the way our fur-clan behaved after Spenser passed ... I think they can see him.

The weight jettisoning (hardly a 'loss,' is it?) WELL DONE! I'm glad you're going at an intelligent pace; yo-yo dieting is so dangerous.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:46 am (UTC)
erastes

It was pretty gentle, I think he was more confused than suffering, and he went very peacefully - thank you my dear xxx

Posted by: DarkEmeralds (emeraldsedai)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 08:27 am (UTC)
Funeral

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It seems almost inappropriate to add congratulations on your dietary success, but I'm delighted for you on that count.

Posted by: Erastes (erastes)
Posted at: November 7th, 2013 11:46 am (UTC)
erastes

Thank you, my dear xxx

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