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still rocking on with the low carb

July 20th, 2013 (03:48 pm)

so just because I’m not posting every day, doesn’t mean I’m not sticking to it, because I really am! Open-mouthed smile 

went to the doctors the other day to renew my sick certificate signing me off the dole and told him I’d lost 20 pounds on Low carb and surprisingly he was enthusiastic about the eating plan and obviously had done a lot of reading about it—knowing the basics and the reason why the weight came off.  He gave me some prescription pills for the depression but I have to say I haven’t actually taken any of them yet.

One reason is because I am nervous of taking pills anyway and the other reason is that I think I’m feeling better, although I don’t know if it will last – and if I take the pills and continue to feel better I won’t know if it’s just me getting over it, or whether it’s the pills. I don’t want a crutch, you see. I know, I 'am making excuses but I can’t imagine that the pills will encourage me to start writing again – and that’s what I REALLY REALLY need more than anything.

Found a veg box company at last here in deepest Norfolk and the quality is very high – yesterday I got some more strawberries, some gooseberries and some raspberries, celery, spinach and radishes. One of the tweeters on the #lowcarb feed mentioned roasting them in olive oil or butter and they transform from bitter hot horribleness to yummyness so I’m going to give that a go tonight with my belly pork slices. I can’t tell you how much I love belly pork slices – and how much I love eating them with no guilt.

Going to try and get over to see Dad tomorrow, they need some petty cash for him anyway (despite the place costing £2 grand a month, he still has to pay for papers, shampoo and the like and any trips out…) and it will show my face. I know it sounds awful but as I’ve said before, he doesn’t register me being there – doesn’t get any pleasure from it (any more than he would do a nurse sitting holding his hand) although I’m pretty sure he still knows it’s me – and I always come away feeling dreadful for having broken him in the first place.

No other news, to be honest  hope you are all as well as well can be!


Posted by: Plutonian #2 (moreteadk)
Posted at: July 20th, 2013 03:15 pm (UTC)

That's great that your doctor is supportive of the diet. I would find that an encouragement if it was me, because he's supposed to know what's healthy and what isn't and stuff about nutrition and that sort of thing.

Posted by: eglantine_br (eglantine_br)
Posted at: July 20th, 2013 07:25 pm (UTC)

I remember going through that with my mom. She did not seem to know I was there-- I could never be sure, but sometimes she did not respond or wake up at all. But I kept going, because it was good to let the staff at the place know that I was paying attention. I used to cut her nails sometimes, because for some reason that could only be done by an RN, and so was not attended to as often as I would have liked. I used to cry after every visit.

I am thinking about what you said about anti-depressants. They are not for everyone, and some people get little help from them. If you are doing better without them then maybe you are right not to take them. In my case, they help me a lot. I was able to begin writing again after a long dry spell, once on them. People get such different results, hard to know what any particular person will get.

Posted by: Anderyn Gabriel (anderyn)
Posted at: July 20th, 2013 08:00 pm (UTC)

Go you!

She says, a bit nervously, that the pills are good for some people. (I.e., me.) I have something called dysthemia, which means a full-time-all-my-life low-grade depression, and the pills help me not languish in the slough of despond. Not a crutch, but a replacement for missing brain chemicals. But of course, that is different for different people, and more power to you if you can get undepressed without them.

I'm sorry for you in re: your father. We went through that for a good fifteen years with my great-grandmother -- she did not know anyone, and she often wandered away at some points, until she finally lost even the will to do anything of her own accord (she would eat if you set her at the table and put food in front of her, but she would not go to it). My great-aunt kept her home the whole time, but it was very hard on all of us, as we had to take turns doing Grandma Bertha wrangling.

Posted by: lee_rowan (lee_rowan)
Posted at: July 20th, 2013 11:34 pm (UTC)

I know a couple of people who got great relief from antidepressants. Never went that route because, like yourself, I'm a stubborn Scorpio and suspicious of chemical assistance. Getting the cataracts fixed helped me a lot because, for some reason, creeping blindness was a downer. And I think your load has gradually increased the same way -- the caregiver job getting worse and worse over time, then this crisis and all the money worries -- getting some control in your life may be the first step back out of the pit. (Actually, I think Sasha was that, but I think you know what I mean.)

I'm SO glad that diet is working for you!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: DarkEmeralds (emeraldsedai)
Posted at: July 21st, 2013 06:13 pm (UTC)
Eat Food

Yay! Twenty pounds down is very significant.

I am in 100% sympathy with you over the question of antidepressants. I accepted the help of SSRI-class drugs for an 18-month period (many years ago now) when routinely depressing thoughts about my worthlessness edged over into "I'm not actually sure that I won't 'accidentally' steer my car into that concrete wall over there." The drugs cut into that downward spiral, and I feel that they saved my life. After a year, the rising line of my life-management crossed the descending line of the damned side-effects (loss of libido in all forms, including creativity, was the worst for me, but I found I was having a harder and harder time distinguishing between sleeping and waking awareness) and I started weaning myself off the drugs. At 18 months, there was one tablet left in the last prescription bottle, and I remember keeping it around as a sort of talisman for probably six more months before I ritually flushed it down the toilet.

Personally, I wouldn't then and wouldn't now go on antidepressants for any less pressing a reason than a return to suicidal ideation, but I have always held the possibility in reserve in case I start down that slope again.

Meanwhile, the most significant non-drug thing I've done to control my depression was cleaning up my diet (most notably cutting way, way, way back on sugar and carbs). I don't feel that weight loss itself was as important as the chemical changes of the dietary improvements that brought it about. In short, clearing up depressive tendencies and losing weight were both effects of the same cause.

Mind you, when I did eventually lose a lot of weight, the constant stresses of self-loathing, shame, getting dressed every day in clothes I found horrid, wanting to hide, literally physically not fitting into my allotted space in the world, etc., etc., all diminished too. That ratcheted my general mood up a couple more notches. And I'm damned if I'll let that ratchet slip!

Posted by: DarkEmeralds (emeraldsedai)
Posted at: July 21st, 2013 06:14 pm (UTC)

Wow. Long comment was long! I didn't realize till I hit "submit". Sorry to go on...

Posted by: Stevie Carroll (stevie_carroll)
Posted at: July 21st, 2013 10:15 pm (UTC)
Brig -- Good Show by sallymn

That's excellent progress with the diet.

Posted by: Rikibeth (rikibeth)
Posted at: July 22nd, 2013 02:53 pm (UTC)
b/w profile

congrats on the weight loss!

You might be surprised, about the pills encouraging you to start writing again. They certainly had that effect for me.

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